I'm tired of the game and the numbers. I'm tired of comparing myself to others. I am tired of scrolling through my social media to only feel bad about my work, my body, my wardrobe, my life. I am tired of self deprecating myself and thinking "I am not enough" when I know that I AM. I am tired of being glued to my phone and going to it every 3-7 minutes for validation and verification from other people. I am tired of seeing the fake, and the beautiful boxes with the mess covered up.
I am fucking tired of social media
The #Socialmediaburnout is real
Don't get me wrong. I love social media. I love it so much that I have created two accounts thriving on instagram and contribute to another account just here in Calgary. I live, breath, sleep and eat social media. It's my way to showcase, to learn, to communicate, to network and to thrive in the world of small business. Hell, I think I like it more than knitting. Only having it fall second to helping people. But in the last few months I have felt it crushing me. A friend who is not helping me breath, but smothering me. I need to take a break.
With starting No Shit Biz Tips, I obviously thrust more work on myself. I knew that was going to happen and relished it (I still do), but what I didn't expect was how much I would be thrown into the world of #influencermarketing, the numbers and the bullshit of "Use other people to your advantage".
With the new algorithms out there I know that gaining followers has become relying on other peoples numbers to grow your own. Instead of putting up just pretty photos and having great content - you now have to collab and get people to share your name. So I started following people who I *thought*could help me do that - and you know what? Those pretty, perfect feeds of the "instagram elite" made me feel like shit. Whether they were meant to or not. I knew others were tapping into them as well because all of a sudden I was subjecting myself to seeing their lives where they got all this free stuff and all I could think to myself was "Why don't I have that?" even if I knew that freebie didn't fit into my brand. I know most of them have busted their asses to get to that point, but I still couldn't shake it.
So Now What?
I already have this uncontrollable habit and addiction of reaching for my phone every 3-7 minutes at my work desk (I have literally timed myself), I'm crying after looking at my phone watching these "insta perfect" lives, and I am finding it hard to post because I don't know how to keep up and I'm feeling like I'm never enough.
Welcome to the mental breakdown. On an Instagram live. Like we're talking red splotchy faced, hiccup sobbing emotional breakdown. Though I'm embarrassed to say it happened - I'm also grateful it did. The amount of love and support from people saying it was ok for me to leave was overwhelming. Multiple comments of "If you only posted once a month I would still be there" and "Girl, do you!" was inspiring and humbling. The comments about how refreshing it was to see something so raw and real took me by surprise, not to mention the love I felt when two of my friends came SPEEDING to my house right after was heart warming. Sometimes I think we forget that people want what is best for us. In the end it was the realization that all will be ok if I take a break. That the world will not die. It will still go on.
Tackle that B*t$h
So it's time to take a dose of my own medicine. If you struggling out there - know you're not alone. Even though it may look like it, I don't have my shit together. In turn I decided to put multiple boundaries on myself to limit my intake of social media and curb the burn out. Want to know what those are? Click to read that blog post on No Shit Biz Tips here.
The worst part about all this was realizing that I was feeding people into this circle. This circle of posting all the time, creating the perfect feed, answering every comment etc. AKA all the things that burn you out after time. Don't get me wrong, if you want to grow your following these are EXACTLY the things you need to be doing, but make sure you aren't pushing yourself too hard and are taking care of your mental state. Set boundaries and follow them. Be REAL on Instagram. I never wanted my feed to make others feel bad. To make them feel like I have it all locked down because I don't. I know I have always prided myself on being as true to me as I could on my feeds, but I vow to show you as much of the real stuff as I can. I challenge you to do the same.
Want to know what I did about it? Click here to read about the steps I've taken to overcome this.